Our Adoption Story: The Reality of Waiting (Part 9)

In writing this blog, my heart behind it is to be as honest and transparent as I possibly can to help others prepare for their adoption journey. I almost chose not to write this specific blog post because it's not near as fun to read and honest not that fun to write either. Yet here I am, writing the raw emotion behind the season of waiting for your baby. 

As I have had the joy of carrying three children of my own in my womb, I know the realities of pregnancy really well. Adoption pregnancy is totally different, but just as real in a very intimate way. There is no baby in your womb, but the baby is most certainly growing in your heart. On the surface, people love to discuss how you are not having to go through the actual pregnancy and can relate with how "easy" you have it. And yes, while I sit here in the same size pants as I wore pre-baby and no fluctuating hormones, that has all been a big plus. But there's so much more to it that adoptive moms have to go through. While in pregnancy, there is a world of unknowns, yet you still have somewhat of control over the situation. You know when the baby will be due, you can control what you eat, drink, and how you live your life. Other people around you can celebrate the baby on the way because they see your pregnancy as a reality. The level of comfortability and connection people have when discussing a biological pregnancy far exceeds those waiting in adoption. In the adoption world, you get two scenarios thrown at you constantly. Complete avoidance of discussing the adoption or the "have you heard anything" question. And while these real-life situations can be tough, God uses them both for His good. Let me explain.

When dealing with those who completely avoid the conversation all together, it can come in waves of faith. You can convince yourself that there is no baby coming at all because there is no evidence around you. The only real physical connection you have to the baby is clicking on the adoption website multiple times a day to see that you are in fact "ready to adopt" when the world shows no signs. And while you will most certainly feel your heart changing deeply during this season, instead of rubbing my growing belly, I'd rub my expanding heart and speak to the child knowing God could connect my voice to the womb. I'd tell the baby how much I loved it and say over and over that "I'm your mama." And when holding my baby for the first time and saying those exact words, she knew my voice immediately. God in fact did let my daughter hear my voice in the womb every time I spoke to her in faith. So, while you may feel very alone in this season, it is a time where God is connecting you and your baby in a hidden, yet real way that is so precious that God keeps it very intimate. It's a time where it's just you, God, and the baby connecting.  A much-needed scene to bring deep connection to the child He has for you.

For those who only know to say, "have you heard anything", to connect to your adoption process-extend love and grace because honestly what else do you say to a couple adoption. And while it may feel like a deep rejection when you say no, just know it's far from that. Your baby will come on its own time, and you do not want a baby that is not yours. Remember, a baby takes 9 months and lots of things have to take place on a certain time that you cannot control. But you can rest in the truth that when it's time to meet your baby, the timing will all make perfect sense.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post that God had given me a lot of grace to go through the waiting period. I will admit, there are a lot of days where the weight of waiting is just mentally heavy. The amount of energy draining you will immediately lift once you hold your baby in your arms and it makes the newborn stage a breeze because you realize how much energy was sucked out in the waiting. It's exhausting. When the days got heavy, I would sing this scripture in prayer, "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will rise up on wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, walk and not faint. They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." God always gave grace for every day....until He didn't.

Perhaps it's the darkest before the dawn....October 1, 2025 I could no longer wait with joy. I was struggling. Doing breathing exercises just to go to sleep because the anxiety was too much and I needed to keep it together. I had Nancy Wilson's book Virtuous reading the chapter "Patience" on repeat non-stop to just get me through the day. Absolutely begging God to help me. Every hour I needed thee! The band-aid of grace had been completely ripped off, and I couldn't hardly bare it anymore. Little did I know, our daughter was born September 30th, and God preparing our hearts for the best yes of our lives.

Next up: The Call....